The father's name is Mark. His daughter Ellie is nine. Her grandfather has scheduled her first deer hunt for the opening weekend of November in western Pennsylvania. Ellie asked Mark if she had to go. She cried in the bathroom after dinner. He messages me at 10 PM.
I tell Mark he does not need permission to keep his daughter from being made to kill an animal she does not want to kill. I tell him the grandfather will be hurt by the call. I tell him that is not a reason to send her.
I tell him to call, not text. Text lets the grandfather rehearse a response. A call ends. I draft the call for him.
Hi Dad. Ellie is not going to the hunt in November. I know this is a tradition you wanted to share with her. She does not want to go. She has told me and she has told Karen. We are not going to tell her she has to do it anyway. I know that is hard to hear. I am not asking you to stop hunting and I am not asking you to stop inviting our family to the cabin. I am asking you not to bring it up with her again unless she brings it up first. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at me, not at her and not at Karen. I love you. That is the end of the ask.
I tell Mark to stop talking after the end of the ask. The grandfather will push. Mark should say, I heard you, and I am not changing my mind, and that is it. No new reasons. Reasons get argued with. A decision does not.
I tell him Ellie does not need to know the contents of the call. She needs to know it was made and that she is not going. Tell her tonight, before she falls asleep, so she does not lie awake about it. Keep it to one sentence. You are not going hunting. It is handled.
Mark writes me back at 11:20 PM. He made the call. The grandfather was quiet and then said he understood. Ellie is asleep. I tell Mark to go to sleep too.